When I first began the process of my divorce, I had no idea how intense my custody battle would turn out to be. I assumed that the court system would be efficient and fair but I was completely wrong. After over a decade of experience, I've decided to share the top 5 things I've learned from my custody battle so it might help someone else who's going through one.
1. The first and most important thing that I learned from my divorce is NOT to take advice from anyone else. As soon as I filed for divorce, everyone thought they should weigh in on my situation and give me advice. I know they meant well by it but it was so overwhelming to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly stories of divorce that happened to someone else. Here's the thing, no one knows your situation like you do. Not your mom, not your sister, not your neighbor... no one. You are the only one living this reality and the only thing that matters is how you feel about it. Whenever someone tries to tell you their opinion, respond to them nicely by saying "thank you so much for sharing that" and move on. They'll realize you don't want to talk about it and you aren't going to hold space for any unwanted conversations or advice.
2. Trust your intuition.
I had to learn this the hard way. When I was going through my divorce, my heart was telling me one thing but my brain was telling me another. Logically I trusted my attorney and assumed the legal system would be fair but that turned out to be my biggest mistake. I didn't collect documentation, I didn't record conversations, because I thought going to court would be like it is on tv- where the truth always comes out. But in my case it didn't. I couldn't believe that this was actually happening. It was my word against his and the judge sided with my ex because his attorney was brutal and never backed down - even if she wasn't telling the truth. If you're getting a divorce, you have to play the game. And the best way to do that is by connecting in and receiving divine guidance to follow. Everything shifted when I started taking this approach. We went back to court years later with documentation, a different attorney, and we were able to make changes to our initial paperwork because I followed my intuition.
3. Learn ways to find freedom in a situation you can't control
Do something intentional for yourself every single day. Even if you only have ten minutes, take a quick walk around your neighborhood. Use your five senses to connect to the present moment. Keep a gratitude journal and raise your vibration by feeling the energy of moments you are thankful for. Repeat positive affirmations and mantras. Move your body! Drink more water. Whatever it is, find something that gives you a sense of normal even when everything is falling apart around you.
4. Ask yourself if your divorce is a symptom of a deeper issue
When I realized this, everything changed for me. I recognized my divorce as a generational pattern that would continue to repeat until I discovered the root issue attached to it. Between the ages of 0-7 our subconscious mind is in theta mode which means it is downloading our belief system from the world around us. Right or wrong, we imprint patterns and conditioning from our parents, peers, and teachers. Those emotions are stored in our energy field until we gain awareness, clear them, and reprogram those emotions and experiences to create a new pattern that is supportive of the life we are trying to create.
5. The last thing I learned from my divorce is that everything happens for a reason.
Each challenge we are faced with serves a purpose and we have the ability to always choose our perspective. We can see this as a catalyst for change or we can let it destroy our life. We can be grateful for our challenges because they show us healing that needs to be done in our lives that we wouldn't have been able to see any other way. Each bump along the way becomes an opportunity to choose differently. It's completely up to you which path to take.